a lament // inspired by John 20

As I was thinking one afternoon about John 20, this lament poured itself out. I’ve been going through an unfamiliar struggle in my life, and sometimes I find myself asking God, “How long?” I used to think that it was wrong to cry out in this way. Then I realized that so many of the psalms are outpourings of a heavy heart. Jesus said to come to Him with our burdens, our weary souls, and He will give us rest. So this is my heart cry, my lament.

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Sometimes it feels like all around me are Mary Magdalene’s who hear one word and believe the dead are living. And then there’s me, sitting in a room behind a shut door, not seeing, and not believing.

Won’t You reach and take my hand and put it in Yours, put my finger in Your side, lift my head to look in Your eyes and make me believe in a resurrection?

Sometimes three hopeless days can be dragged into three weeks, three years, a lifetime because I’m sitting and grieving the hope I once had that’s now dead and buried in a tomb.

Won’t You reach and take my hand and put it in Yours, put my finger in Your side, lift my head to look in Your eyes and make me believe in a resurrection?

I guess something has to be dead first to live a second time, and even though Lazarus was dead You weren’t done with him. So maybe my life is a grain of wheat that has to fall and die before it produces a hundredfold.

Help my unbelief, increase my faith! Make me know, even when it doesn’t feel true, that You are the Resurrection and the Life.

Reach your hand and place it in Mine, put Your finger in My scarred side. Look at Me, the One who takes ashes and makes them beautiful. Look at Me, believe Me, I’m alive.

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“…that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection…”

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12 thoughts on “a lament // inspired by John 20

  1. That very eloquently speaks to how I have been feeling for years now as well… It’s really hard when all of your hopes and dreams are dead and those around you seem to just have theirs handed to them… especially when you know that the winds of time have swept yours away forever. One of my biggest struggles is that I have waited totally on God while watching everyone else go out on their own… yet, they are enjoying God’s rich blessings while I’m still suffering in silence…

    All I can say is that we have to keep looking up and putting our trust in God even when we don’t understand and are at our lowest… He is the God of the impossible!!! I have to keep thinking that if He was willing to send Jesus to die for us how much more willing is He to do good and wonderful things for us as well?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know, what you wrote sounds a lot like Psalm 73. I’ve been really encouraged by it this year… If you have time today, I would really recommend reading it, it’s beautiful.

      And amen, even when we don’t understand, God is good, always good! Thank you for the reminder to keep looking up. Keep walking, brother!

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      1. Thanks to you too Sis. You know the Psalms are always a great comfort. I will read Ps 73 today… I just was thinking as well that we have to remember that our places of growth are all different and that God uses many different things to grow us and to mature us into the vessels that He wants us to be. I’m reminded of this verse from “Amazing Grace” that I like to quote personalized for myself.

        “Through many dangers, toils and snares
        I have already come.
        T’was grace that brought me safe thus far
        And grace will lead me home,”

        Grace and peace through Christ our Lord,
        Jonathan

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s very true. Each of God’s children has a unique relationship with Him. Jesus only asked Peter three times if he loved Him because Jesus knew that’s what Peter needed. Sometimes I’m prone to ask, like Peter, “But Lord, what about this one?” And He always says, “What is that to you? You follow Me.”

        And amen again, grace will lead us home. Praise God!

        Isaiah 43:2

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